First Lines Challenge: Day 28

His body felt in slow motion, each step and turn of the head swayed his body uncontrollably until the resounding whack sobered his scrambled brain.


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War Eagle

Perched atop a stony edge, talons gripped in wait
the sun stains Spirit with a rusty luster.
A canvas of blue above and a sea of blue below,
the loud rumble of crowd signals and calls,
a song to beckon each beat of wing.
Talons twitch, feathers flutter, and wings spread wide,
the raptor captures the wind and sails the sky high.
Prey in sight and she quickly dives,
"War Eagle" her audience cries, roaring with pride.

(Open Form/Free Verse Poem)



Football season is here! Football season is here!
 

First Lines Challenge: Day 27

Only six more hours.


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First Lines Challenge: Day 26

I could feel it creeping through my veins.


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Three Mistakes Beginning Writers Often Make

Every writer has their own strengths and weaknesses. Some are strong in grammar. Some are guilty of “showing” so much that they don't move the story along. Others don't give enough description. The more you write and get feedback from others, the more you will figure out what you need to work on to become a better writer. Here are three mistakes beginning and even experienced writers often make. I know I catch myself being guilty of these.

1. Spell-check Software vs Editing: Many believe a quick run of spell-check will catch all of their spelling and grammatical errors and quickly polish their piece for reader consumption. Think about this: does spell-check catch the difference between their, there, and they're? Simple mistakes or misspellings are not identified with basic spell-check programs.  You need to edit!  Read your work silently at least three times to identify spelling and grammatical errors.  Read it out loud to identify the flow of your work.  How does it sound to the reader?  You wouldn't believe the difference it makes to hear your work out loud.  Not only is it important to edit for errors, it's important to edit for clarity, flow, and readability.  You'll catch sentences that are full of filler.  You'll catch sentences that stumble through to the end.  Lesson learned: Edit!
2. Using Clichés: As a reader, how many times do you read the same metaphors over and over again?  Be creative with your descriptions, metaphors, etc.  I try to avoid clichés in my work unless I absolutely cannot think of something better.  If you have to, use them initially, but when you go back to edit, change to something more creative.  You'll be amazed at the things you can come up with if you just put in some effort.  Believe me, readers will appreciate it.
3. Wordiness!: When you put too much in a sentence, readers will stray and have a hard time following it.  For my final in my Place & Setting course this semester, we had to revise two of our major creative writing pieces in the class.  When I went back today to revise my very first assignment, I completely agreed with my professor that some of my sentences were over the top.  You can convey the same feelings, descriptions, or ideas in simple ways that do not lose your reader. 

First Lines Challenge: Day 25

The air swirled around, wrapping her in an icy cocoon.


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First Lines Challenge: Day 24

When the gas light came on, I knew I was screwed.



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Line Breaks, Syllables, Organization

Careful use of line breaks can alter a poem's rhythm, tone, and meaning.  The poem below is full of imagery that can be grouped and broken to change the entire feel of the poem.  You might have to pull out the old dictionary to find the meaning of some of the words.  As you read the poem, think about how you would change the line breaks or reorganize the words.  Read the original below and then my "rewrite" is after the jump.

"Silent Poem" by Robert Francis

backroad leafmold stonewall chipmunk
underbrush grapevine woodchuck shadblow

woodsmoke cowbarn honeysuckle woodpile
sawhorse bucksaw outhouse wellsweep

backdoor flagstone bulkhead buttermilk
candlestick ragrug firedog brownbread

hilltop outcrop cowbell buttercup
whetstone thunderstorm pitchfork steeplebush

gristmill millstone cornmeal waterwheel
watercress buckwheat firefly jewelweed

gravestone groundpine windbreak bedrock
weathercock snowfall starlight cockcrow

My Version of "Silent Poem"

Backroad leafmold
    stonewall

chipmunk underbrush
grapevine woodchuck
    shadblow

woodsmoke cowbarn
    honeysuckle

woodpile sawhorse bucksaw
outhouse wellsweep backdoor
flagstone bulkhead
  
buttermilk
   candlestick
      ragrug
         firedog
            brownbread

hilltop outcrop
cowbell
    buttercup

whetstone thunderstorm pitchfork
     steeplebush
gristmill millstone cornmeal waterwheel
    watercress buckwheat

firefly jewelweed
gravestone groundpine
windbreak bedrock

weathercock
    snowfall
        starlight

            cockcrow


In my reinvention, I intentionally looked at the items with a wide lense and then brought in the focus to certain elements by imaging the scene.  For instance, with the lines

buttermilk
   candlestick
      ragrug
         firedog
            brownbread

I imagined someone carrying a pitcher of buttermilk, passing by the candle light to sit on the ragrug in front of the fireplace (firedog: the metal supports for logs in a fireplace) and enjoy a snack of bread and milk.  The original author oriented it differently, painting the picture differently through his line breaks and organization.  At the end of the poem, I specifically utilized white space (the literal white, empty space around the poem), line breaks, and line spacing to reverse my wide to narrow focus and introduce the fading of starlight and dawning of a new day (cockrow: the time when cocks first crow, or early morning).  There are so many ways to "play" with this poem and each of them is unique and interesting.

As evidenced by this exercise, one of the beautiful aspects of poetry is its flexibility.  You can change the entire meaning and tone of a poem through use of line breaks, organization, and white space.  Don't be afraid to experiment.  Poetry gives you the freedom to throw normal sentence conventions out the window and create something all your own.  Take advantage of it!

First Lines Challenge: Day 23

The drip drop of his sweat beat like a terrifying drum against my heart.

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First Lines Challenge: Day 22

He yanked the hilt up with all his might, slicing vein and muscle.


Practice the power of opening lines. Take the 30 Day First Lines Challenge.